Just one of those things

This week was one of THOSE weeks. One of those weeks where the 2 ply toilet paper keeps on separating and only coming out one…sheet…at…a…time and your hovering tolerance is challenged even more than at kickboxing class. It was one of those weeks where you find crumbs everywhere in the room, there are ALWAYS dirty dishes in the sink, and the trashcan is always on the verge of exploding.

Yes indeed, it was a looooong week.

Today I met the most pretentious, obnoxious, repellent, detestable, irritating girl in the ENTIRE WORLD. She’s in my art history class, and today I sat within 3 feet of her, but never again. If she gets within arm reach of me I’m going to choke her. We had a mini quiz for attendance and I didn’t get the artist on one of them AFTER the quiz was handed in.

Me: “Hi, did you get the artist for the third piece?”
Biggest Bitch in the World: “You LOOKED at my quiz?”
Me: “Well, I saw you had written something when you handed it to me to turn in…? I didn’t copy, or I wouldn’t be asking you now.”((I was already calculating how long it would take to crack her thick skull right now)
BBITW: “I don’t give out answers.”

She sits in class and in her thick British she stutters (unfortunately, sometimes she does stutter, which is mean of me, but this also means we have to listen to her talking for even longer) through her ideas, and after she’s done with them, she gives out this self-satisfied grunt/sigh and looks around expecting the people to die from astonishment because what she said ACTUALLY CAME OUT OF HER MOUTH. She sits there thinking “Aren’t I the smartest, brightest, most beautiful girl in this class? GOD I AM AMAZING.” Her nose is stuck so high that you can see straight up into her brain and there IS NOTHING THERE.

She bothers me. The only reason I survived discussion today was because I imagined ways to kill her. (This is how I relax nowadays, by the way).

1. I would either hang her up by her hair right next to the speakers in there and just turn the volume up really loud and leave her hanging there for a long time.


2. Put one of those cow rings in her nose, tie her feet together, and drag her around with people sitting on her back.


3. Put her in the clothes dryer.

Ah. That was cathartic. You don’t want to get on my bad side. So far I’ve only got Adam Smith and that girl on my hit list, so there’s plenty room for more.