An alternative to coffee

There are a few effective ways to wake yourself up in the morning. One of them would include dropping a scalding hot bowl of outmeal straight from the microwave onto your bare foot. I'll just tell you how it is: the ONLY analogy I could come up with it is that, heavens to Betsy, it hurts like a MOTHERFUCKER. That's the only thing I could think of after I had cursed up, down, left, and right silently (mustn't wake the roommates, because I'm the only one who has to get up at 7 AM and all) in my head in English, Hungarian, Spanish, and I so would have included Egyptian, had I known more useful phrases than "king of two lands" and "barley." Now comes some sort of obligatory pun on the words "sole" and "soul," because that's the only logical thing to do when talking about feet. You know, I might have lost part of my soul this morning as I thought enough evil thoughts to reserve me a VIP spot in Hell, but at least the soles of my feet are still intact.

There. I can now officially end this post and continue working on my essay.