Gadgets and gizmos a-plenty

There is one redeeming aspect of air travel, and it's not the oversalted peanuts, the flushes with the strength to expunge an entire nation, nor the conveniently located begrimed seat pockets in front of you with the emergency evacuation information.

It's the SkyMall magazine.

This is the place to go if you want to find clothes hangers that will automatically morph to whatever clothes you hang upon it. I'm sure you could easily find a desk that has a built-in thermometer in the legs, and also a closet that automatically becomes invisible when a dead body is put into it. You can find stuff like these:






































Both of these items are ridiculously expensive, but RIDICULOUSLY COOL, NO? I LOVE THAT FISHBOWL! The minute I have lots of money to splurge (which means I would be travelling nonstop) I will have a palazzo in Venice furnished entirely with products from SkyMall magazine.

The winners for my Boston trips are these:

















This is a blanket. You buy this blanket for $99.99, zip yourself up in it, and in addition to looking like the Yeti, being unable to run away from any terrorist that might be aboard the plane, and having a very serious problem on your hands if you have the runs, you can travel in style, and EVERYONE will wonder "Where did he get that awesome blanket? Lands alive he looks cozy!" What would make this blanket complete is if it were inflatable and people could just use you as a life raft in an emergency situation.

Next we have:




















I dont know if you see it, but the standard size toilet seat is $79.99. That's probably the most expensive toilet seat I'd ever sit on. But it might be worth it, because what with all the designs on it, you would never have to clean it again. It's not like you could very easily tell if it's dirty or not, and the guests would hardly notice in the split second it takes them to sit down. Plus, if you were anything like me when I was a kid and I refused to go to the bathroom, taking one look at this toilet seat would propel me into it. Or into the other direction. Whatever direction I'd go in, it would surely have gotten some bowel movement from me. Get cultured WHILE sitting on the pot! What would make THIS item complete would be if all the designs were actually three-dimensional. Then you could have Egyptian hieroglyphs branded onto your butt after every trip to the bathroom, and isn't that what everyone who travels with United want?