Try, try again

I turned in my Freud essay today. Want to know what it was entitled?

"How to fix a fixation."

Yup. How to fix a fixation. The world's WORST TITLE EVER. Let's take a small peek at the creation of this masterpiece















Multiply that vision by oh, 1000 times, and you'll understand what I went through. And how many times I played freecell within a 24 hours period.

(By the way, I only lost 2 games) Which theoretically should have indicated that I would have been having a swell, I'm-on-top-of-the-damn-world sort of day, only, well, I didn't. That is, not until I got home at 6:30 and Mary Kate came skipping out with the free! samples! of makeup! she had ordered! on the internet!

Say what you will about drugs or alcohol. Free samples of cheap Maybelline cover-up gives you a sort of rush I think not even shooting up heroin the night before an essay is due could give you. Only a few things/people recently have made me as happy as cheap Maybelline cover-up samples. Such as cheap booze, rich men having extramarital affairs, and rock-and-roll.

MAKE-OVER TIME! FEATURING ADRIANNE'S DIRTY BATHROOM MIRROR!














Step 1: Get the samples















Step 2: Test the color you think matches your skin tone















Is it the 2-year-old-diarrhea-colored one? No...















How about if I mix it with the ogre-puke looking one? Still no match...















Maybe it's just the lighting that's screwing things up. No, I don't think so..















JESUS CHRIST! WE LOOK A FRIGHT! Something STILL isn't right...















All right, this one that looks like a hemophiliac's booger has to work.















And then you rub your fingers together like this...















Something STILL isn't right















Let's think about what we might be doing wrong















Actually, you know Mary Kate, you don't look half bad with all that moss colored paint covering over your face. Not bad at all.















Aww shucks, Adrianne. You look pretty fly yourself.















Let me take a closer look. Yes, yes, Mary Kate, that definitely matches your skin tone.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're 100% bona fide born with it.