Chim-Chiminey

It turns out a piece of wire from someone’s underwire bra was blocking our washing machine. Hence the sea of water flooding our kitchen at various parts of the day.

I know this because when I entered the apartment yesterday, all sweaty and gross from another full day of walking around, a man brandishing a can opener and what appeared to be a belt greeted me with a jovial smile on his face with the news. As if to say “HA! You women have done it AGAIN! You with your underwire bras!” I guess he was forgetting we’re not the ones who leave toilet seats up, nor are we the carriers for tons of STDs. Then he proceeded to leave the culprit covered in lint and hair from God knows when right in our kitchen. That’s like leaving the turd on your bed that was clogging the toilet.

After Marisel, Libby, and I had each walked past it 5 times each, wrinkling our noses at the foreign object and pondering over the fate of all good bras and if it would be possible to fashion the wire into a lethal weapon or a cooking utensil, I sat down to think about what would make the world a better place.

And here it is.

The Abbreviated and Not Yet Fully Complete List of How to Make the World A Better Place:

1. Humans be photosynthetic. We would not have to go to the bathroom, nor worry about eating and gaining or losing weight. Eating would be something we just do when we feel like it.
2. Have everyone know every single language in the world at birth.
3. Eliminate all forms of money.
4. Eliminate grades. Have people just study for the joy of learning. HA!
5. Have everything in the world be free.
6. Eliminate the jealous and greed gene in all people.
7. Have everyone be born with another romantic half. Kind of like Plato’s or whosit’s theory. The halves are entirely compatible and the two people find each other irresistible. Then a lot of misery and loneliness would be gone.
8. Get rid of that most holy of sacraments, matrimony.
9. And IF it’s necessary to still have it because of the cake and the wine, then abolish dresses like these:





























Sorry. Could not quite capture a good picture of the second dress.

10. Have everyone do everything out of the goodness of their hearts.
11. Let everyone be supremely confident and comfortable with who they are.
12. Create a way which everyone has 3 apartments in different parts of the world, and 3 houses made entirely out of people’s favorite foods so that when they do feel like eating something, they have a whole house of the stuff. And how COOL would it be to say that you ate a house?
13. Everyone be entitled to one friendly ghost.
14. Magic is really magic, and not a trick.
15. Everyone have one superstition that is actually true and really does bring bad or good luck.
16. Everyone like their own type of music, but not dislike any kind. That way you won’t feel like an idiot when you’re singing to any song in the car with the window open.

Libby’s Suggestion
Everyone should be responsible for planting one tree

Marisel’s Suggestion
Certain days of the week should be dedicated to one kind act, like taking care of the sick or feeding the homeless where everyone participates. Or making national holidays days where everyone pitches in to help. I mean, we can fucking celebrate Abraham Lincoln, why can’t we do something good?

Also, everyone who gets a job should have 1 or 2 years of charity work. Like TFA for everyone. Or all doctors should all work 2 years in some impoverished country, and lawyers work for free for a year or two for people who can’t afford lawyers.

Then again, in my world, there would be absolutely no reason to sue people.

There you have it. You can tell that my suggestions are way more…self-centered. My roommates make me feel like a greedy pig. Then again, the greed gene has been eliminated.

Ok. I have to get my now nearly dry and spun clothes out from the washing machine!