Names Changed to Protect Privacy

I have a friend here at Chicago. Her name is Happy. One of Happy's many outstanding qualities is that she is, well, generally happy and uncomplicated. Which, being an embittered and cynical person myself, I need from time to time. I need a fresh whiff of unadultered, pure Happy to remind me that some things in life really aren't all about grades and cutting criticism. Plus, it gives me all the more to lambaste when I feel like it.

Happy had a meeting with her advisor today, who we shall call Angry. After Angry commented on how jovial Happy appeared, Happy confirmed that indeed she was happy (or Happy? MAN this blog has so much potential for fun!), and the meeting continued.

Later on, Happy received the following e-mail:

Hi Happy-

I just wanted to touch base after our meeting this morning. I felt
uneasy bringing this up, but it seemed apparent that you had been
drinking. I don't want to sound judgmental, but you may want to think
twice about meeting with administrators, faculty etc.when you are
under the influence.

Regards,

Angry

Drinking? At 11 AM? After she had probably woken up at around 10:30 AM, because NO ONE wakes up 2 hours before their advisor meeting to get dressed and put on make-up? Happy hadn't even had any class at this point! Had she attended a class [particularly a Sosc or Humanities class, in which plenty of students think it is their calling to enlighten everybody of Durkheim's or Marx's teaching (dear God, please do)], then maybe she could have had a reason to turn to the old fire water to numb the pain, but this is not like Happy. Happy is a responsible human being, and I am outraged for her sake.

But if she WAS hell bent on getting drunk by 11 AM then CONGRATULATIONS! Your efforts have not gone unnoticed!

So I wrote a version of the email I would send to this advisor if I would have received an email like this.

Why does everything exciting happen to other people?

Dear Angry,

Since as far back as I can remember, people have always commented on my sunny disposition. I've always felt that by keeping as positive and attitude as possible, I could manage the demanding schedule I have at school in addition to helping my friends and keeping myself from becoming overwhelmed. This simply is who I am, and therefore I find it astonishingly judgmental and out-of-line that you believe I was drunk when we met earlier today. This assumption not only sheds light onto what you thought of me during our short 30 minute meaning, but what you would believe of me when I am outside of your office: that I behave in a drunkenly, insincere manner. Yes, I recognize your job IS to guide me during my stay here at the University, but it is not to make sweeping assessments of what I "apparently" was without the proper methods ( i.e. a breathalyzer) of determining if I indeed was intoxicated when I was in your office. Your email proves you actually have no idea what I am like as a person, and that you only care about what I am like when I present myself as a student, and I feel hesitant to meet with you again in light of your offensive email. I can honestly say I have never been so disappointed, hurt, and offended since entering the University of Chicago as when I received your email, and I hope I will never have to experience such an affront here again. I plan on contacting another person (don't know, someone else higher than her, the custodian?) to discuss this matter with him/her because I feel I cannot ignore your email. I am sorry this happened, since I felt we had an agreeable rapport, and I believed you held me in higher esteem so as to know I would not be so irresponsible as to show up to a meeting intoxicated. I have always taken my schoolwork, my presentation of myself, and my performance here very seriously.

Happy

Sigh. That was energy-releasing. Had this really been my email, I would have also added as a post-script:

P.S. I also know which neighbors keep their snowshovels out on their porch. And I know wear to bury bodies so they're never found again.

But Happy is not Dangerous And Unreasonable. She is Happy. And not Drunk.

I invite everyone for a moment to be Dangerous And Unreasonable, and think what you would do in her situation. I, personally, would head straight for the shovel.