An Unfortunate Event

Last night around 11:00 PM, the toilet in the apartment overflowed.

I always dreamed of this. I dreamed of it because I decided a while ago that having a toilet overflow on me would be one of my last living moments, as I would never want to re-enter a populated world again. It's just about as embarassing as wearing socks with sandals.

(And here I am writing about it on the internet)

Knowing the time would inevitably come, I arrived prepared with several different options for my last living seconds. Should I recite appropriate lines from Heart of Darkness or Rosencrantz and Gildenstern Are Dead while dirty toilet water runs in rivulets round my ankles? or should I just stick to Walt Whitman?

Alas, as all my faculties left me in my moment of crisis, all I could do was wail like a very undignified banshee or ambulance siren at the water that was spilling out from under the closed toilet lid

I always knew a toilet would overflow on me. In the past, there have been several instances where it came close. However, I was always in large gatherings so I could leave the toilet suspended in its precarious situation and rejoin the group. No one would ever find out who was the one who last went to the bathroom, and who would therefore be accused of clogging the toilet. However, in an apartment with only 3 people, it's harder to hide from the pointing fingers.

So, this is just to let you all know that closing the toilet lid does not stop anything from coming out. When your time has come, your time has come, and there's no way to reverse the flow.